Writing to support our Mother's Day giveaway for the true solo Mama..
Happy Mothers Day, to the solo Mum who might not of heard it said (comprehensively) today. Especially if you have a little bundle or bundles of love only interested in your boobies right now, or perhaps a toddler not quite able to string a sentence properly yet, and much happier to make the day all about them anyway; I hear your tired sighs. The emphasis around celebrating Mother’s Day when at this stage of mothering, can feel to a true solo parent like you are steering down the barrel of a shotgun full of poo, ready to fire straight in your face when that trigger goes off.
While on the subject of poo and I don’t mean to shit all over your situation, but a true solo parent is very different to sharing the care between two separated parents and/or with the support of relatives and extended family. Now before you start saying, who does this chick think she is saying who’s a true solo parent, well me actually. And why, because I’ve been all the types of solo parent. My first child I was spoiled with an abundance of family on both sides - ahh those every other weekends off, trips free'd up for long weekends away, New Year’s Eve’s celebrations, coupled with sharing the extra load, or should I say overload during school holidays. You name it, I had every other alternate one off for over a decade. So I’ve lived and breathed the painfully distinctive difference that makes a true solo parent or a ‘lone parent’... Hmmm, a lone parent you say, yes there’s one step further to go, and for me there’s a completely different story with my second daughter.
A few years ago I stumbled upon an article by Janis Isaman, written about the true solo parenting journey, she aptly named ‘lone parenting’. As I read her story I felt like I’d found my virtual doppelgänger, everything she described as a lone parent was exactly the way I could of written my own story, and her words still sit deep in my heart. A heart so strong, it beats for more than one person, a heart that loves so fiercely, but also aching for silence some days whilst holding it together, counting down the hours until bedtime. Sometimes not so quietly wishing for just one night off, from dinner time, from bedtime stories and tickling her back until she falls asleep, I see you other lone Mums.
Lone parenting is a whole other level entirely, it takes guts with very little glory, it takes bone sucking energy and is exactly as Janis writes, it’s f*cking hard. I could tell you about the depths of despair I’ve been in, but someone I know will no doubt read this and either be annoyed I’ve written about it and others, glad I’ve experienced it. So I’d rather you read Janis’ story to get to the real nitty gritty details, because our thoughts and experiences are eerily similar.
Mostly what sparked my writing today was a giveaway for Mother’s Day through my business. I wanted to give to a true solo parent going it alone, not just on Mother’s Day, but every day. Waking up to no thanks but a sweet smile and tender soft kisses from a little person you created. I wanted just one Mum to be recognised for the difficulties of celebrating motherhood alone on this epically commercialised day. No one to buy a present or take your little person to a dollar store, even to pick up a simple card. This year I was in a position to make one true solo mothers day brighter, and to me, being able to make a difference to that one person in my humble opinion, it’s worth it and I’ve done my job.
My parting message before you go and read Janis’ article linked below... Have I wanted to give up, hell yes I have, but I also wanted to see what the outcome would be if I didn’t give up. I’m way too determined and keen to show the peanut gallery a good time. That goes for every facet of my life, not only lone parenting. Almost 10 years deep with girl number two, nearly 22 years since my first girl was born. I’m looking forward to seeing what the next 22 years brings. I’m excited to be a grandma one day, in the far distant future has been reiterated several times lately from my eldest girl, another sigh. I’m very much looking forward to the next stage of (grand) mothering, buying all the latest baby gadgets, and clothes, oh the clothes! And of course the baby snuggles, and when I can hand back her bouncing bundle of joy too haha, I’m here for it all.
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